Part 8

"In my descriptions of people, nearly all the information I get comes from an inside perspective.  It’s what it feels like to be that person.  When they talk directly to us, it’s what it’s like to be in the presence of that person as well. "

Alison to me at a recent Akashic session.

A little bit more on Alienor's sister Petronella and involving Louis' second cousin, the courtier and warrior Ralph or Raoul de Vermandois

Go to Petronella, sister of Alienor of Aquitaine, when she receives the news of their father’s death.

Alison Petronella is so shocked at the news of the death of her father that she can’t breathe, she can’t speak, she’s all stiff.  Daddy, daddy, daddy.  I feel really at a standstill in the centre of my chest.  She wants to give these flowers to him, white daisy flowers, big ones.  She’s got them in her hand.  She wants to know where she can give them to him. Where is he?  She doesn’t understand.  How can he be dead?  He’s not here.  I don’t think she understands the concept of death properly.  She doesn’t understand that it’s final.  She thinks that her father can suddenly be brought into the castle and be there again.  She believes that if she wills it enough, that’s what will happen. ‘Daddy, daddy, I love you.’  She doesn’t want anything to do with Alienor because she thinks it’s Alienor’s fault.  She thinks Alienor sent him away. If it wasn’t for Alienor he would have stayed, and she would have had him all to herself.  She wouldn’t have had to share him with Alienor.  The pain in her chest is just tremendous.  She’s like a lost dog, looking in all directions.  She can’t be consoled.  She keeps asking questions.  ‘When will he come home?  She’s not accepted it; that’s basically how it is.  And as time goes on, it only gradually dawns on her as things change that he’s not going to come home.  She starts to be very, very sad about it.  Depressed, crying.  It’s as if part of her shuts down emotionally and she carries on with the practicalities of what she has to do.

Does she continue to feel like that towards Alienor, or does it ease?  She starts to rely on Alienor a lot as a sort of surrogate parent.  And like a surrogate parent you can rebel against a parent but love them at the same time.  You kick against them but rely on them too.  She seems to rely on Alienor for Alienor’s authority.  Alienor makes decisions as to what’s right and what’s wrong.

And does she still blame her for their father’s death?  No.  I think there’s some jealousy there that Alienor had times with their father that Petronella didn’t and never will and that Alienor had longer with their father, but it’s also something she can draw on, so she can ask Alienor about those time and she can experience them at second hand.  I think she has come to realise it’s not Alienor’s fault through Alienor’s own suffering.   

Petronella going to Paris.

I notice that Petronella has this signature sort of body language where she has her hands clasped together, or something in her hands. A lot about her is heart-shaped like her face.  The top of her body can be heart-shaped.  It’s just that delicate sort of – very much like her grandmother’s physiology.  She’s crying about what she can and can’t take with her, and having to leave behind so much.  When I say leave behind, it’s more like the flagstones of the castle, the walls, the very stones that make the place up.  The sunshine, especially the sunshine.  Pets.  I am seeing a little greyhound type of dog in a very pale colour.  She’s not taking that with her then?  No, it’s got puppies and won’t travel well.  It belongs to the house and she’s being told not to be silly.  I’m seeing a woman who’s telling her these things.  Quite a well dressed woman.  The woman is saying she will be better off without the encumberance of a dog.

And her impressions as they enter Paris and her thoughts on Alienor’s sudden marriage. Petronella is quiet.  Her mouth is down and her eyes are down.  She feels a bit depressed.  There’s a deep emotional pain as well.  She’s lost her sister as well now.  She’s lost her mum, her dad, her sister.  She switches off and is just a body going through the motions.  You wouldn’t know all this was going on from the outside.  You’d just see a proper person doing what she was meant to do but there’s no sparkle there.

And Paris.   Hmmm, she’s very interested.  She likes all the new sensations.  The smells, the sights, the sounds, the tastes.  She enjoys new things and she gets embarrassed as well when people notice her and offer her things.  She’s very sweet. She’s looked after with such pomp and distance in a way that she really wasn’t looked after at home.  There was much more proximity and hands on at home.  In Paris there is definite etiquette about things and she likes that.  Aaaah, and there’s a little dog.  A little fluffy dog like a Pomeranian. That someone’s given her?   I don’t know, but it’s near the hearth and she loves it.

So where did it come from?  It’s just already there, but it’s in the area where she particularly lives.  There’s this big square hearth.  There are other dogs there, but she particularly likes this one.  It sits on her knee as well.

So how does she get on with Alienor’s mother in law the dreaded Adelaide? Adelaide treats her as quite a pet because Petronella is so quiet and pliable.  She looks so sweet, she’s like a chocolate box ideal of a little girl or a little princess. 

And Petronella’s impression of Louis?  She doesn’t like him.  Her mouth purses to one side and there’s a sick feeling coming all the way down her middle.

Why?  She just finds him gruesome.  Sort of smarmy.  He’s always trying to be kind to her and she just finds him really smarmy.  He tries to give her gifts.  Say someone in this situation was trying to give her a bag of sweets, and because she doesn’t like him she doesn’t like the gift either.  The sweets are horrible.  I think it’s like an older brother syndrome.  An older brother with a girl-friend.  Euwwww!  There’s just something sibilant about him.  Something about his lips and something kind of… it’s like the way many male writers write love scenes - sleazy snail-trail stuff.  She finds him disgusting. She’s just happy when he doesn’t notice her.  She’s not happy when he puts his attention on her. She feels that Alienor has changed. She likes this horrible monster Louis.  It’s as if Alienor is all different and all grown up and talking with these other people, and Petronella has to watch her from a distance. 

And Petronella’s views on Alienor sharing a bed with Louis?   She can’t stand the thought of that.  Who’d want anything to do with Louis?  That’s how she feels and she tries not to think of it.  It gives her bad vibes.  I think she can sense his unease with pleasurable things.  I think she picks that up.  I don’t think she trusts him because of that.  It seems false.  I don’t think she’d be able to put her finger on that, but that’s what’s at the base of it.

I wondered about her relationship with Ralph of Vermandois in that first year in Paris?  She gets ever so shy with him and coy.  She’s got a very unusual smile.  I can feel it forming.  Her top lip puckers somehow, all across the top.   She gets totally embarrassed and giggly and looks down.  She hardly dares look up again, but she does.She has a tremendous laugh. It’s quite a deep laugh and she does it just because he looks at her and he has this humour in his expression.  I suppose it’s the vibration he’s sending that triggers something in her. 

So all he needs to do is look at her and she bursts out laughing? Yes, it’s as if he’s told her a very funny joke. I don’t think this is just something that happens without a background.  It’s a reference perhaps to some transaction they’ve done beforehand.

 So investigate it a bit more.  She’s giggling away like mad.  She’s trying to hide it by stroking this little dog and putting her head down.  And then she’s found him standing right in front of her.  She’s been trying to overcome her feelings and look down and cut off.  Then suddenly in front of her there’s this shadow and there he is, right in front of her and she didn’t know he was there! 

Just with him?  Yes!  He’s standing there and admiring her dog and asking about it.  Her mouth’s puckering up again and she’s talking.  There’s a warm, bubbly feeling in her abdomen as she is able to control herself enough to talk about the dog and about something else, perhaps a journey.  I’m not sure.  The conversation settles down and then slows down.  His attention is going somewhere else and she can look up at him with a yearning feeling.

A father figure thing?  It feels like love.  It’s a feeling that this person has given her attention and love and a positive thing and she wants more of it.  She is naturally open to giving her love to him.  It reminds me of her grandmother Dangereuse.  You know how passionate her grandmother was, and when she was fixed on that person that was all she wanted she was so full on.  In a similar way; it has a slightly different flavour, but the focus is the same. Interesting.  We discuss her age – somewhere between 11 and 13.  Certainly no older than that.  I suppose it would be a bit like an older boy in the school noticing you and becoming the centre of his attention and how you would deal with that.  Well in this case it would be more like fancying the headmaster because he’s 35 years older than her!  But what I am saying is that the feelings inside her are like that.  Ah, I see.  So like fancying a boy, not a man. Yes. So let’s see if she notices how old he is.  I think it’s a mixture of this daddy thing and boyfriend thing.  I think the other thing is that a lot of women of Alienor’s age and Petronella’s age were married off to much older men as a cultural norm.  I don’t know whether their focus was on older men – their eye perhaps trained into wealth and standing rather than youth and beauty. I don’t think he was unattractive. I do feel he was an attractive man.

So what did Ralph think of her?  The sort of feelings I’m getting are of him striding from one side of the room to the other and then striding towards her and like having a very complex toy, a little toy like an automaton that is very fascinating to play with.  Then there’s another deeper motive that is to do with power, that realises the very powerful position he is in, in relationship to her.  And this is exciting because it is in relation to personal power not delegated power. It’s not official, it’s something to do with him alone, with his own charisma.  It’s interesting, because he does like to test that out on other ladies as well.  It’s not something new to him, but he gauges people’s reactions.  So it’s like a hobby then?  Alison laughs and half nods.  Is it flirting then?    I think there’s an element of it, yes. 

And what does Alienor think of Ralph?  Alienor has a very fixed gaze on him.  She thinks him very attractive.  This is her view from a distance.  She thinks his body very attractive.  She thinks his mind is busy on things in front of him and doesn’t notice her.  When he does turn his attention on her, he can out-courtesy her.  She’s very good at being courteous but hers is very natural.  His is natural but with an extra edge as well. It has an intent.  She likes him better at a distance than close up because he tends to get too close.  He can invade her privacy.  When he’s speaking to someone smaller than him, he has a habit of bending over right from the middle of his back and putting his hand forward just to be on their level, but the edge of his energy is quite sharp.  It’s like having a metal edge to his fingers somehow, and she doesn’t like that sharp edge.  Although they’ve got things in common, a closer familiarity makes her feel uncomfortable and back away.  But there again, it’s not that she doesn’t trust him, it’s just his manner that she finds uncomfortable. While he’s at a distance, she likes him.